The past couple of weeks Austin have taught me some valuable life lessons. I figured I’d share them with you in the hopes that having them in writing would prevent history from repeating itself.

First, don’t stand directly under the portion of the ceiling you are painting. Seems logical, but not necessarily something you think of until you’re rinsing paint specks from your contact lenses.

Second, it’s probably a good idea to check for a criminal record before you hire your contractor. Then again, those flattering mug shots can make it easier to remember everyone’s name when you have multiple people fixing your cabinets, sinks, etc. Plus, it’s cheaper than Polaroids.

Third, and this is a good one, take pictures of your walls before the contractors ever set foot in a room. Then again when they walk into the room, but before they start work. I’ve noticed contractors have a habit of putting their palms in the nearest dark gooey substance, then smearing it down the walls like evidence at a crime scene.

I tried posting the following sign:

The same morning, I found Fixy’s belongings sitting next to this sign. Maybe he interpreted the actual sign as the painted surface as he was careful not to damage it.

Fourth, no matter what preventive measures you take, you will get screwed by contractors. Just protect yourself with enough bubble wrap that it will absorb a good portion of the blows and make that fun popping noise. Sound pessimistic? No, it’s realistic. It’s my approach to most things. That way all the great things in life that happen taste all the sweeter (like my lawn!).